Immortal Stay Night
by kyuuketsuneko
Summary: The Grail trolls. Immortals and Immortal Slayers answer. "King of Heroes, do you have enough lives?"
1. Prologue and Chapter 01

_**Immortals/Stay Night**_

_King of Heroes, do you have enough lives?_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own F/SN or any of the mangas, animes, etc. featured here.

**Bold = spells/important words**.

Underline = emphasised words.

_Italics _= _thoughts/expresses a sense of incredulity._

* * *

**Prologue**

**Recipe for disaster:**

**Ingredients:**

A catalyst: an object with a strong relationship with a certain hero which increases the chance of a Master summoning the Servant they desire.

The Holy Grail: the ultimate troll.

6-7 idiot Magi: remember to include the Tohsaka, Matou & Einsbern families. Oh, and Emiya Shirou (Alaya insists).

7-8 unfortunate Servants.

**Instructions:**

1. Combine all of above.

2. Wait patiently.

3. Watch the carnage unfold.

* * *

_Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to  
__**Immortals/Stay Night**_

* * *

**Chapter 01**

"**Shut**

**(Fill),**

**Shut**

**(Fill),**

**Shut**

**(Fill),**

**Shut**

**(Fill),**

**Shut**

**(Fill).**

**Repeat every five times.**

**Simply, shatter once filled."**

The spell rang out in a childish voice, echoing in the emptied portion of the Einzbern castle. A large chunk of rock, disproportionality huge compared to the summoner, was placed in the centre of the circle.

"**I announce.**

**Your self is under me,**

**My fate (doom) is in your sword.**

**In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail,**

**If you abide by this feeling, this reason**

**Then answer."**

Ebony hair fluttered in the gust as Tohsaka Rin continued her chant, her family jewel (no, really, family jewel, NOT jewels) glowing in the centre of the summoning circle.

"**Here is my oath.**

**I am the one who becomes all the good of the world of the dead,**

**I am the one who lays out all the evil of the world of the dead.**

**You, seven heavens clad in three words of power,**

**Arrive from the ring of deterrence,**

**O keeper of the balance-!"**

Glazed purple eyes stared at the circle as Matou Sakura mechanically recited the lines her grandfather (if that _thing_ can be referred to as such) drilled (or more accurately, 'wormed') into her only a mere hour before.

* * *

"I ask you, are you My Master?"

* * *

In almost every other world where the above Masters were summoning their Servants, the Grail would oblige the girls, giving them Hercules, EMIYA and Medusa respectively. In this world however, the Grail was not so kind. You see…

Angra Mainyu was bored.

And when "All of the World's Evils" is bored, bad things happen.

Very bad things happen.

* * *

_Who are the **** are youuuuuuu!?_

That was the thought shared by all the newly-appointed Masters of the Fifth War as their Servants revealed themselves. With differing expletives of course. For the record, no one used 'Root'.

* * *

**Einzbern castle:**

In front of Illyasviel von Einzbern stood a boy who was, without a doubt…

NOT Hercules.

For starters, instead of a middle-aged man, he was a boy – probably one not much older than her 'onii-chan'. The rest of his appearance was all off too – he had short, brown, scruffy-looking hair, and wore an orange cape, covering armour derived from some kind of bone. On top of the cap, he wore a cream-coloured scarf, the kind you would expect from a frequent traveller in olden times, but his matching-coloured jeans created an anachronistic image. And the dead giveaway of course, was the golden-tipped staff and… was that a golden diadem on his head?!

"…"

"Yo?"

"…"

"Servant Berserker, at your service. YouARE my Master, right?"

"… yes, yes. I believe so."

"So~ now we've introduced ourselves, d'ya have anything to eat? I'm hungry."

"…."

Illyasviel von Einzbern suddenly had a hunch that this Grail War was going to seem like a _very, very_ long ordeal…

* * *

**Matou residence:**

"Hoooh. This is a pleasant surprise. To think that you would call upon _Saber_ of all Classes. Well, I'm not one to complain. Sakura. The book. Shinji."

"As you command, ojisama," stated Sakura, lowering her gaze ever so slightly as she handed the book to her brother.

"Hehe, with this, the War is mine and-!"

SPLAT.

THUNK.

SPLURGH.

Sakura covered her mouth in horror, tears pooling in her eyes.

_Oniisama….!_

The Book of the False Attendant and the 'human' known as Matou Shinji had been sliced into pieces faster than the eye could follow – in fact, to Sakura, it seemed as if Saber hadn't even moved. And yet the evidence was there – her brother's entrails had disappeared while the rest of him was turned into mincemeat.

"Hm… not tasty at all…" murmured the girl. With her short, brown-hair, piercing brown eyes, a pale complexion and a baby-face, it was hard to imagine that she was a cannibal… but then… who was she? No, better yet, _what_ was she?

_And how am I suppose to survive being her Master?! _

* * *

**Tohsaka residence:**

Tohsaka Rin was _not_ impressed. Alright, so it _may_ have been her fault that she forgot to adjust her clocks to take into account daylight saving and all, but did it really warrant her getting this… this… disaster?

First of all, it shrieked "AKIHAAAAA?!" and tried to run away from her.

Then it started swinging a knife at her randomly when she told him she was a Magus screaming "I'LL NEVER LET YOU TAKE HERRRRRR!"

And then, once she calmed him down enough, the two of them managed to come to the agreement that yes, she was his Master in the Holy Grail War (something which managed to slip his mind in his panic) and yes, he is Servant Assassin, and no, she is not Tohno Akiha (whoever that is) and no, she is not trying to kill him.

After all that was out of the way, she sent him to tidy the mess that his ungraceful entrance left (courtesy of her botched summoning, he insisted) while she went to bed. It had been a tiring night, and having to calm down a hysterical Servant was no easy feat…

But now she had a new problem.

**Insomnia.** (From stress).

How was she going to win the war? Her Servant had anything BUT a level head, and, if the cloth covering his eyes was any kind of indication, he was blind.

And he was Servant _Assassin_.

Assassin! By the Root, the most pathetic class! At best, they could assassinate enemy Masters. At worst, they were totally useless. Most of the time, they were just used as scouts in some kind of alliance… and since her Assassin was blind. Well, she'd need a better bargaining chip.

And so, Tohsaka Rin mulled her night away, resulting in a very undignified wake-up call. Eventually, she threw a slipper at her Servant when he commented that "geez, though you look heaps like her, you're nothing like Akiha – she'd always be up in the morning before I was."

_Seriously, who the heck is Tohno Akiha?!_

* * *

**Emiya residence:**

Contrary to popular belief, Emiya Shirou was not stupid. Stubborn and clueless at times, but not stupid. In fact, rather than being 'incapable of understanding', he often 'chooses to not understand' at his convenience to prevent anything from challenging his beliefs.

But unfortunately, even the smartest of people do stupid things. And while Emiya Shirou may not be stupid all the time, he does have his moments.

This is one of them.

"Haa, haa…"

The pants of a desperate man.

"Wai-wait… slow down! Ahhh mou-!"

"Haa, haa…"

He was so close-! Just a bit more and-

"I SAID WAIT, YOU IDIOT MAGUS!"

BLAM.

Well. At least he got to the shed. Just not in the way he expected. Shaking himself free of the rubble, Shirou only just managed to turn around when he realised that _she_ had caught up.

"Geez. I said wait, didn't I?"

"Bu-bu-but-!"

"As I keep telling you, I'm not gonna hurt you."

"BUT YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! VAMPIRES ARE MEANT TO DRINK BLOOD AND-!"

"… you… you're not a very well-educated Magus are you?" groaned the vampire girl.

"I'm not a Magus at all! A magecraft-user perhaps (albeit not even a third-rate one) but not a Magus!"

The blonde vampire sighed.

"Alright, let me start again," she paused (presumably for dramatic effect), "I'm the Caster for this Grail War. And you're my Master."

"And I keep telling you, I have no idea what weird scenario you have in your head, but whatever the safeword is, I'm screaming it!"

"…"

_This is gonna be a _very_ long night isn't it?_

_Even _he_ wasn't _this_ bad when it came to explanations_…

* * *

**Clock Tower, London:**

**Name**: Waver Velvet.

**Age**: 29.

**Occupation**: being Lord El-Melloi II and a lecturer in the Clock Tower.  
**Likes**: playing videogames, watching anime, and collecting relics related to Alexander the Great.

**Dislikes**: pickles in his burgers, heights, horses, nasty surprises, stuck-up students, most of the Archibald family, being told what to do, having to hand in regular reports having to mark reports, having to-… actually he dislikes a lot of things, so let's just stop there.

**Currently:** in the midst of suffering a nasty surprise.

**Mood:** sour.

"Er… I take it I'm not the one you wanted to summon?"

"… no. Not quite. But never mind…"

Frankly, Lord El-Melloi II just didn't know what else to say. He was sure he was going to summon Alexander again – he had prepared several catalysts (all of which were verified to be strongly connected with the man) and had perfected his summoning circle. And yet, when his Servant appeared, not only was he _not_ Alexander, he wasn't even from the Rider class. No. Waver Velvet had (spectacularly) summoned a _Lancer_. Who wasn't carrying a lance. His Servant happily informed him that he was very good with a drill though.

In all seriousness though, with that dark blue hair, a navy blue jacked with fiery red patterns on the bottom, grey, low-rise jeans and matching black neck braces and haramakis, Waver was convinced that he had summoned some kind of nut job cosplayer.

Just his luck, huh? It appears that Waver Velvet is out of the Grail War…

Or is he really?

* * *

**Edelfelt mansion, Finland**

"No! No! No! How?! What?! Why?!" shrieked a very frustrated Luvia Edelfelt.

Forget summoning Saber, she didn't even summon one of the seven official Classes! What kind of Servant was 'Avenger' anyway?

She sighed. Well, if nothing else, he was one heck of a looker. Short white hair and piercing silver eyes, coupled with that exotically dark skin and _THOSE ABS_. Oh god, _those abs_. And _pecs_. And _intercostals_. They were, _without a doubt_, a gift from god. And they were displayed for all the world to see through that super-body-hugging black armour.

Noticing the heavy panting and drooling of his blushing Master, Avenger began to slowly inch towards the door. He had seen those signs before (though they were on a certain Matou Sakura at the time), and things had not ended well for him. By the Root he thought he was going to be raped…

The fists, covered with black bandages, tightened in anticipation as he prepared to secure his escape route. The red kilt-skirt-curtain that he had found himself wearing would get in the way, but unfortunately for him, he had no intention of showing the world the skin-tight biking shorts he wore under it, and so he'll have to make do.

Avenger cursed internally.

Why, oh why, did people have to remember THAT particular part of his life?! It wasn't like he DELIBERATELY wanted to get wear the thing, but NOOOO, someone insisted that he had to 'provide a distraction' for the 'sake of the mission' and there he was, wearing his normal outfit minus the leather pants (dear god how he loved those things) with a pseudo-curtain around his waist. After that particularly incident, he had gained a newfound respect for all those women and girls who fearlessly ventured out into the world in skirts. _I mean really, weren't they scared that someone would flip it up and… BON APETITE?_

And now, as a heroic spirit, it appears that _that_ incident would come back to haunt his ass… by being part of his set costume. He just _knew_ there was someone out there having a laugh at his expense. Probably Alaya and her minion-

Train of though interrupted by the pouncing of his blonde Master, Avenger made for the door. No _way_ he was going through _that_ again. Sexual harassment from Matou Sakura and a disturbingly high number of males in a certain locker room was quite enough for him. Speaking of which, how did she even get in there without being caught?

* * *

**Kotomine church**

To say that Bazett was 'angry' would be like saying the Fuyuki Fire was 'lukewarm'. All her life, she had dreamt of meeting her childhood hero – the Hound of Culann. But alas, all of her preparations seem to have gone down the drain…

For the one she summoned was anyone BUT Cu Chulainn.

To start off with, the summoned Servant was a boy, probably no more than eighteen years of age. And Asian. With amethyst eyes and brown hair. Oh, and did I mention that he was _Rider_ NOT _Lancer_?

Standing awkwardly in the middle of the summoning circle, the said youth was clad in a scandalously tight outfit (something that would be befitting someone of the _Lancer_ NOT _Rider_ class, a fact which only irritated Bazett more), and held a matching helmet in his hand.

Perhaps he was some kind of legendary biker. Neither Bazett nor Kotomine really paid much attention to those things, but the white gloves and the clear presence of shoulder pads in his skin-tight top seem to support the theory.

Of course, this didn't make Bazett feel better. At all. She had summoned a child. A motorcyclist. An oriental. Great. Just great.

* * *

**A/N:** no, Rin, Sakura and Illya DIDN'T summon at the same time. I was just 'cutting' from 1 scene to another because they're the three Masters that more or less 'everyone' would 'expect' from the three founding families.

And no, there are NO OC Servants or Masters. There may or may not be OC side-characters to assist the progress of the story. I can't think of anything at this stage, so let's go with "there aren't any".

I think I've picked some preeeeettty well-known characters, so most of you guys should be able to guess who they are~~~ :3


	2. Chapter 02

_**Immortals/Stay Night**_

_King of Heroes, do you have enough lives?_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own F/SN or any of the mangas, animes, etc. featured here.

**Bold = spells/important words**.

Underline = emphasised words.

_Italics _= _thoughts/expresses a sense of incredulity._

* * *

**Chapter 02**

"Food! Food!" chanted the blonde, sitting in the typical seiza position at the table, her long, purple skirt folded neatly with her legs. Her white turtleneck, although baggy, was more than enough to hint at her impressive figure, and Shirou couldn't help but blush as she inadvertently pushed her breasts together when she clapped her hands in delight.

"So. Let me get this straight."

She nodded, allowing the red-head to continue, while she ploughed through his food

"You're a Servant, a 'heroic spirit', or, in your case, an 'antiheroic spirit' that has achieved deeds so famous that you entered a 'Throne of Heroes'."

She nodded again, this time, with a grain of rice stuck on his cheek. Shirou contemplated removing it for her, but decided to settle with just pointing to the corresponding part of his face.

"And you've been summoned as a Servant, Caster, in this 'Grail War' which allows the winning Servant-Master pair to have a single wish fulfilled."

She nodded, wiping the grain of rice off her face.

"And to 'win', Masters and Servants have to actively fight and kill opposing Servants. Just surviving till the end of the war isn't enough – the Grail will only accept a pair which has fought to attain it, and Servants disappear if their prana source is cut, i.e., if their Master is killed."

She nodded yet again, face hidden behind the bowl of miso soup she was currently finishing.

"And thus it is easier to kill the Master rather than the Servant, since Servants tend to be incredibly hard to kill. And from what you remember, the Fuyuki Fire was caused by two unscrupulous Masters at the end of the Fourth Grail War."

She nodded again.

"And you're a vampire."

"A True Ancestor, to be exact. I _hate_ being considered 'the same' as those… Dead Apostles. I mean, some of them are alright – like Grandpa Zelretch's great fun to be with. Merem's a bit strange, but he lets me play mess around with the King of Rats, so he's nice like that. Enhance was a bit stiff, but he had his heart in the right place."

"Uh huh…"

She smiled at him, radiantly and expectantly.

"I'm finding this really hard to believe, to be honest."

And immediately, the smile vanished.

"You. Are. Sitting. In. A. Room. With. A. Summoned. True. Ancestor," she growled, "AND YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT?"

Shirou shrunk back slightly. Really, this woman was terrifying. Especially when her hands transformed into claws and her teeth all turned into fangs…

"Well… it's just a bit. Er…"

"Say no more," she snapped, one hand rubbing her temples as the other was held up in a 'stop' sign. "You're an idiot, aren't you?"

"… well, not many people have said I'm bright."

"So you're an idiot. Geez. I miss Shiki. He was so much smarter. And… what as the phrase. Oh yes, 'got with the programme' so much more quickly."

Shirou groaned. Great, now he was being compared to, presumably, her boyfriend. Just great.

"So, what don't you believe?"

"… everything?"

**Wrong answer.**

And thus, Emiya Shirou spent the rest of his night and the better part of his morning evading the wrath of a very irritated True Ancestor.

Well, at least she wasn't hungry anymore.

* * *

**Matou residence**

It turned out that Saber had an insatiable craving for human flesh – particularly 'intestines'. If anything, it was more of a psychological hunger akin to that of the thirst of a True Ancestor than a true physical hunger, though extended periods of not feeding (with said period being in the range of months to years) would result in her body shrinking and a decreased performance. Furthermore, it appeared that Saber wasn't particularly interested in eating 'worm flesh' and seemed to lack the capacity to 'notice' prepubescent girls. All in all, she was a very bizarre Servant, and far from being human. She introduced herself as an "Awakened One", though Sakura had yet to find out what that meant.

Nevertheless, the teenage girl had a much more pressing problem.

School.

Although she was a Master, it would be incredibly unwise to bring Saber into a place filled with 'tasty morsels' for her. In fact, nothing short of a massacre would occur, and although that would take Tohsaka Rin out of the game, it would also set the whole Association and presumably the Church on the Matous. So, gritting her teeth, Sakura had to accept that she was to go to school without the protection of her Servant.

What was worse was that she couldn't bring her Servant along with her to scout, as the above-stated problems would occur in crowded areas…

To think that the Holy Grail War would involve such troublesome Servants.

_If only she knew…_

* * *

Illya was amused. Surprisingly, her Servant appeared to have the same mental maturity as her (if not less) and, ignoring his inhuman appetite, was reasonably easy to take care of. Plus he seemed to enjoy playing with her, and he even taught her how to play mah-jong! Unlike everyone else in her family, Berserker seemed to genuinely enjoy her company, though at one point, he did become rather… terrifying.

2 weeks ago, Illyasviel asked if she could see his diadem. Berserker replied that it was fine, so long as she didn't try to remove it.

Of course, being the curious 'child' she was, she took it off the moment he bent down to her height.

The results were disastrous. The results were wonderful.

Living up to his Class, Berserker went… well, berserk. He killed everyone and everything that moved – apart from Illya. Not even her two maids were going to be spared from his wrath before she managed to jump in front of him and slam his diadem back in place. Frankly, Illya wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel – on one hand, she was a little sad, since Berserker had more or less massacred her family, but since most of her 'true family' was out, and the castle was filled with primarily homunculi, the damage wasn't that bad. On the other, she was pleased – her Berserker was the strongest! He moved faster the eye could see! His claws tore through homunculi like they were paper! And best of all, he could heal from ANYTHING. For starters, most spells bounced off him like nothing, and even the ones that struck did very little. Not that it mattered even when they did strike since even the hunk of rock that accidentally beheaded him proved to be useless, as he merely picked up his head and 'popped it' into place. He was immortal. He was invincible. He was hers until her death.

* * *

**Kotomine church**

Two figures stood in front of the alter. Kotomine Kirei, supervisor and now Master of Rider, stood with his hands clasped behind his back. Rider, with his arms folded in front of his chest, looked darkly at the priest.

"Is that so?"

"I'm afraid that's the case, Rider."

"To think that… the Grail would self-destruct if a winner isn't determined by the end of the second week… are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely. The last war failed to produce a winner in time, and thus the Fuyuki Fire occurred."

"I see. It would be a terrible loss of life if we don't hurry. But what's wrong with letter others win?"

"Well, Magi aren't exactly known for their morality, Rider."

"What do you mean?"

"To put simply, if killing all of the pregnant women in a hospital and harvesting the placentae would advance magecraft, and the said practitioner did so without alerting the world, then most Magi would endorse the action, if not encourage it."

"Bu-but that's-"

"Immoral. Inhuman. But that is what it means to be a Magus. I am not a Magus. I am a priest. Should we not choose the lesser of all evils?"

"Well…"

"Furthermore, you would be able to have your dearest wish granted. Don't you want that? Is that not why you answered Bazett's calls?"

"That's true. But still. To kill the opposing Masters-"

"I only ask for you to scout. We will see if we can strike an alliance with some respectable Masters, and make our plans after that. Do not be afraid to engage enemy Servants to determine their abilities and power. If you can do so safely without other Servants seeing your Noble Phantasm, I give you permission to use it so long as you can guarantee the elimination of both the enemy Servant and Master."

"… I understand. Speaking of wishes though, did Bazett-san not have a wish?"

"She did, but her wish was to summon her childhood hero. Such a thing is no longer possible, and thus she saw no point in risking her life in this war. It seemed only fitting thus for her to hand over her Command Seals to me."

"I… see."

"So, Rider, what do you say? Will you help me in preventing another tragedy? Or will you stand idly by as people die and only act when it's too late?"

Rider twitched.

_How does he know about that?_

"Will you selfishly pursue your ideals of pacifisms and avert your eyes to the suffering of others?"

"Shut up…" muttered Rider.

"Will you not help me ascertain the characters of the other Masters, and bring this abomination to a swift conclusion?"

"Shut up…"

"Will you not-"

"SHUT UP! I will! I'll help you. I just have to go out and scout, right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Rider."

Growling to himself, the Servant astralised and vanished from the church.

"Hmph. Mongrel."

"Ah, but sometimes a good old dogfight is what we need, isn't it, King of Heroes?"

"Hmph, you're getting ahead of yourself, Kirei. But nonetheless, I shall see what kind of crass play you've scripted this time. Do not disappoint me, or there will be consequences."

"Of course."

* * *

**School: Rin's classroom:**

"_Wow, façade much?"_

"_Shut up, Assassin."_ A tic developed on the forehead of the school idol, Tohsaka Rin, as she sat through class while dealing with the mutterings of her astralised Servant.

"_As you wish~ Ah, if you don't mind, I'm going to explore your school a little. Maybe I'll find another Servant or two."_

"_As if it'll be that easy. But if it'll stop you from bothering me, then go ahead. Come back to me within the hour."_

"_If you say so," stated Assassin as he shrugged._

Really, he was quite a chatty fellow for an Assassin. And this revelation only made Rin feel worse. This War's a disaster.

* * *

**School: Hallways:**

_Wow. I was only kidding when I said I'd find one or two more Servants but…_

Assassin almost sighed. So far, he had been able to confirm that Luvia Edelfelt, a recent and very obnoxious transfer student was indeed a Master. For the life of him, he couldn't work out what class the tanned Servant next to her was, especially since he wasn't carrying a weapon. His muscular build hinted that he was probably not Caster, and his… er… 'skirt' didn't seem to offer a great deal of mobility, which in turn ruled out Saber and Lancer. He looked reasonably sane (though it could be because his Master was keeping him on a tight leash), so Assassin decided to cross out Berserker.

Which left him with Rider and Archer. Both of which would be a pain to go against. Both really because of the range of their preferred mode of combat.

Then, as he wondered around more classrooms, he found a certain Matou Sakura removing the bandages on her hand, revealing her Command Seals – of course she was only doing that so she could replace them before they started to stink up, but nonetheless, it presented him with some valuable information.

Then, as he continued to wander down the hallways, he found himself hiding in a cupboard as a red-haired youth ran past mumbling "I'm late, I'm lateeeeee!" with his Servant in tow-

Wait. Was that-yes. Yes it was.

Great.

Someone else summoned Arcuied. And from what he gathered thus far, alliances didn't tend to work out very well in the Grail War, so the chances of him being able to spend time with her in a way that didn't involve one of them dying was probably… null.

Life's just great, isn't it?

* * *

**School: Shirou/Rin's class:**

"I'M SORRY FOR BEING LATE!" cried Shirou.

"… take a seat, Emiya-kun."

"Guh," choked the said youth, as he realised he just _had_ to come during Kuzuki-sensei's class. Of all the teachers…

Well, at least wasn't Taiga he was facing, though he did miss homeroom. He decided he better spend the rest of his classes figuring out an excuse other than "my crazy vampire princess Servant demanded that I go buy her more food."

While the rest of the class was captivated by either: one, the great Emiya Shirou was late for once, or two, he had barged in spectacularly loud during Kuzuki-sensei's lesson and would later pay hell for it, a certain Tohsaka Rin was interested in the commotion for a very different reason – she could feel it. The pulsing on her hand told her everything she didn't want to know.

Emiya Shirou was a Master.

And, if he had any kind of common sense, he would have brought his Servant to school with him. And right now, her Servant was out scouting. Which meant that she was completely defenceless against a guy who could probably tell that she was a Master.

And so, began Tohsaka Rin's most stressful 47 minutes and 13 seconds of her life.

* * *

"_You! You left me there with another Master! And probably their Servant!"_

"_Oh? And who would that be?"_

"_Emiya Shirou. A guy in my class. I didn't even know he was a Magus!"_

"_Maybe he isn't. Didn't you say that sometimes non-Magi have been chosen as Masters?"_

"_That may be so, but I was still left there, DEFENSELESS, against another Servant-Master pair."_

"_Even though it's unlikely that he would start anything in the middle of the day?"_

"_Yes. All he had to do was get his Servant to lop off my head and let the Church deal with the aftermath. Or just hypnotise everyone there. Or something."_

"_Well, it's a good thing he didn't then, isn't it?"_

"…" Rin wanted to growl, but since the sound didn't tend to translate very well in the telepathic link the pair had, she decided to settle for Tohsaka Smile #17, the 'I'm so pissed I have no other expression to show this' smile.

"_By the way, was this Master a red-headed guy?_"

"_Yes_."

"_I believe I have seen his Servant then_."

"… _well, at least you're not COMPLETELY useless."_

"_Guh.."_

"_Anyway. Speak."_

"_Well, his Servant is a blonde woman-"_

"_Abilities? Name? Legend?"_

"_Well, she's a True Ancestor."_

"_Wait, what?!"_

"_And her name is Arcueid Brunestud. White Princess of the True Ancestors."_

"… _you're pulling my leg, aren't you? The White Princess is ALIVE."_

"_Right now, in this world, she is. But the Throne of Heroes is not restricted by time nor space."_

"… _are you telling me that-"_

"_Yes."_

"_Oh. Great. Just great."_

"_Indeed. We will have a tough battle ahead."_

"_Tough battle? SHE'S ****ING IMMORTAL, Assassin!"_

"_Yes, but I er…"_

"… _yes?"_

"_May have killed her. Twice. And she stayed dead the second time."_

"_Wait, are you telling me _YOU_ were the one who ended up sending her to the Throne of Heroes?!_"

"_Er… more or less. Or at least a version of her. In my particular world at least."_

"…_."_

"_Master?"_

Tohsaka Rin groaned as she rubbed her temples.

"_Give me some time to take this in._"

"_As you wish_."

And so, Rin took in nothing for the rest of the day, spending the rest of her time mulling over Assassin's revelations while the said Servant hid in a nearby cupboard to prevent being seen by Arcuied.

On one hand, if what he said was true, then her Servant was phenomenally more powerful than she could have imagined. On the other, the opponent was still a True Ancestor, and since her Servant had gone on to explain that both of his victories relied heavily on the element of surprise, it wasn't as if she could send him to go into a frontal battle with the monster. Furthermore, she was horrified to discover (after looking at the said Servant's stats) that Arcueid had been summoned as _Caster_ of all things. While things could be worse (such as if she had been summoned as Berserker, in which case Rin would have been tempted to just give up her Command Spells and hide out in the Church), Rin had a suspicion that being 'Caster' would make Arcueid's already monstrous Reality Marble even more troublesome.

_Really, what was going on in this war?_

If Arcueid and Shiki (the name of her Servant who revealed it rather reluctantly) were any indication of the level of the other Servants in the War, then Fuyuki City was probably not going to be around for much longer…

Oh, if only she knew.

Later that day, Assassin would compound her shock by informing her that yes, Matou Sakura is a Master, and yes, so is Luvia Edelfelt. He also told her that he suspected that Luvia's Servant was either Rider or Archer, and informed her that he would not do well against either Class, since one tended to have rather troublesome Noble Phantasms, while the other may see him coming before he could ambush him, and shoot him before he even got close.

* * *

**Airport:**

Waver Velvet was not a happy man. He rarely was these days. First of all, he had to deal with his Servant offering to bring him to Japan in the Gurren Lagann (which, apparently, was _only_ 'part' of his Servant's Noble Phantasm), then, after booking a direct flight from London to Japan, he was horrified to discover that he was going to be seated next to a couple. With their twin babies. God help him, he swore to never have children. Those little monsters. And Lancer simply compounded the problem by cooing at the children who couldn't see him. He almost de-astralised a grand total of SEVEN times during the trip, and it was only when Waver discovered that claiming something is not 'manly enough' could act as a deterrent that Lancer stopped.

Rubbing his temples, he really wished he had a cigar. He needed one. Now.

* * *

**A/N: **Nothin' much to comment on this time.

If anyone who's actually genuinely familiar w/ Nasu-verse workings, can they let me know if, when astralised:

1. Astralised Servants can see other astralised Servants?

2. Un-astralised Servants can see astralised Servants?

3. Does astralising affect a Servant's combat abilities i.e. is it impossible for them to fight while astralised, and if un-astralised Servants can see astralised ones, what stops them (apart from a code of honor) from attacking them then?

4. Can Masters (even ones who are not the Master of the said Servant) see astralised Servants?

5. Can the Master of the Servant see the astralised Servant?

6. Can any ol' mage see astralised Servants?

Also, with the communication between Masters and Servants:

1. Do they have some kind of psychic connection between them or is it just the effects of convenient voiceovers in the anime?

2. If they do, is there a range?

Oh and how does that thing where a Master sees a Servant's stats work?

Thanks~ over and out~


End file.
